abumahdi
02-24-2010, 03:25 AM
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THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE This is absolutely BRILLIANT.
For those who speak English well, you will find it amusing. For those who don't, then this is an eye-opener.
English Can you read these right the first time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
.4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present , he thought itwas time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg ineggplant, nor ham in hamburger
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in Englandor French fries in France.Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, aremeat.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, wefind that quicksand can workslowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither fromGuineanor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don'tgroce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, whyisn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2meese?One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amendsbut not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid ofallbut one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eatsvegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all theEnglish speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verballyinsane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at arecital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run andfeet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise manand a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacyof a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, inwhich you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goesoff by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects thecreativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why,when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out,they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' You lovers of the English language might enjoy this . . There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than anyother two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understandUP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when weawaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?Why do we speak UP and why are the officersUP for election and why is it UP< /font>tothe secretaryto write UPa report ? We call UP our friends. And we use it tobrighten UP a room, polish UP the silver,we warm UP the leftovers and clean UPthe kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fixUP the old car .
At other times the little word has real special meaning.People stir UP trouble, line UPfor tickets, workUP anappetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to bedressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UPbecauseit is stopped UP. We open UPa store in the morningbut we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP aboutUP !To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP,look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary,it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UPto about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it,you might try building UP a list of the many ways UPis used. It will take UPa lot of your time, butif you don't give UP,you may wind UP with a hundred or more.When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .When the sun comes out we say i t is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP .When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP . One could go on and on, but I'll wrap itUP ,for now my time is UP ,
so............Time to shut UP .....!
THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE This is absolutely BRILLIANT.
For those who speak English well, you will find it amusing. For those who don't, then this is an eye-opener.
English Can you read these right the first time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
.4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present , he thought itwas time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg ineggplant, nor ham in hamburger
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in Englandor French fries in France.Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, aremeat.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, wefind that quicksand can workslowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither fromGuineanor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don'tgroce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, whyisn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2meese?One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amendsbut not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid ofallbut one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eatsvegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all theEnglish speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verballyinsane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at arecital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run andfeet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise manand a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacyof a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, inwhich you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goesoff by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects thecreativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why,when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out,they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' You lovers of the English language might enjoy this . . There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than anyother two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understandUP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when weawaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?Why do we speak UP and why are the officersUP for election and why is it UP< /font>tothe secretaryto write UPa report ? We call UP our friends. And we use it tobrighten UP a room, polish UP the silver,we warm UP the leftovers and clean UPthe kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fixUP the old car .
At other times the little word has real special meaning.People stir UP trouble, line UPfor tickets, workUP anappetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to bedressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UPbecauseit is stopped UP. We open UPa store in the morningbut we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP aboutUP !To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP,look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary,it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UPto about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it,you might try building UP a list of the many ways UPis used. It will take UPa lot of your time, butif you don't give UP,you may wind UP with a hundred or more.When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .When the sun comes out we say i t is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP .When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP . One could go on and on, but I'll wrap itUP ,for now my time is UP ,
so............Time to shut UP .....!